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Rearrange the letters to spell out an important part of the human body which is even more useful when erect.
P N E S I
People who wrote SPINE became doctors... The rest are all my e-mail friends...
Today's word is.................. Fluctuations
(I will never hear or see this word again without thinking of this joke.)
I was at my bank today; there was a short line. There was just one lady in front of me, an Asian lady who was trying to exchange yen for dollars. It was obvious she was a little irritated . . .
She asked the teller, "Why it change? Yesterday, I get two hunat dolla fo yen. Today I only get hunat eighty? Why it change?"
The teller shrugged his shoulders and said, "Fluctuations." The Asian lady says, "Fluc you white people too"
Sneezing On the Airplane:
==========================
A man and a woman were sitting beside each other in
the first class section of an airplane.
The woman sneezed, took out a tissue, gently wiped her
nose, then visibly shuddered for ten to fifteen seconds.
The man went back to his reading. A few minutes later,
the woman sneezed again, took a tissue, wiped her nose, then
shuddered violently once more.
Assuming that the woman might have a cold, the man was
still curious about the shuddering. A few more minutes passed when
the woman sneezed yet again.
As before, she took a tissue, wiped her nose, her body
shaking ever more than before.
Unable to restrain his curiosity, the man turned to
the woman and said, "I couldn't help but notice that you've
sneezed three times, wipe your nose and then shudder violently.
Are you ok?"
"I am sorry if I disturbed you, I have a very
rare medical condition; whenever I sneeze I have an orgasm."
The man, more than a bit embarrassed, was still
curious. " I have never heard of that condition
before" he said. "Are you taking anything for it?"
The woman nodded, "Pepper."
A wife asked her husband: 'What do you like most in me, my pretty face or my sexy body?'
He looked at her from head to toe and replied: 'I like your sense of humor!'
Why we love children...
A woman was trying hard to get the ketchup out of the jar.. During her struggle the phone rang so she asked her 4-year-old daughter to answer the phone.. 'Mommy can't come to the phone to talk to you right now She's hitting the bottle.
A little boy got lost at the YMCA and found himself in the women's locker room. When he was spotted, the room burst into shrieks, with ladies grabbing towels and running for cover. The little boy watched in amazement and then asked, 'What's the matter, haven't you ever seen a little boy before?'
It was the end of the day when I parked my police van in front of the station. As I gathered my equipment, my K-9 partner, Jake, was barking, and I saw a little boy staring in at me. 'Is that a dog you got back there?' he asked. 'It sure is,' I replied.
Puzzled, the boy looked at me and then towards the back of the van. Finally he said, 'What'd he do?
While working for an organization that delivers lunches to elderly shut-ins, I used to take my 4-year-old daughter on my afternoon rounds. She was unfailingly intrigued by the various appliances of old age, particularly the canes, walkers and wheelchairs. One day I found her staring at a pair of false teeth soaking in a glass. As I braced myself for the inevitable barrage of questions, she merely turned and whispered, 'The tooth fairy will never believe this!'
A little girl had just finished her first week of school. 'I'm just wasting my time,' she said to her mother. 'I can't read, I can't write, and they won't let me talk!'
TEACHER: Now, Simon , tell me frankly, do you say prayers before eating?
SIMON: No sir, I don't have to, my Mom is a good cook.
TEACHER: Clyde , your composition on 'My Dog' is exactly the same as your brother's.. Did you copy his?
CLYDE : No, sir. It's the same dog.
TEACHER: Harold, what do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested?
HAROLD: A teacher
TEACHER: Glenn, how do you spell 'crocodile?' GLENN: K-R-O-K-O-D-I-A-L'
TEACHER: No, that's wrong
GLENN: Maybe it is wrong, but you asked me how I spell it.
I took my wife deer hunting
It was Saturday morning as Jake, an avid hunter, woke up raring to go bag the first deer of the season. He walks down to the kitchen to get a cup of coffee, and to his surprise he finds his wife, Alice, sitting there, fullydressed in camouflage. Jake asks her, "What are you up to?" Alice smiles, "I'm going hunting with you!" Jake, though he had many reservations about this, reluctantly decides to take her along.
Three hours later they arrive at a game preserve just outside of San Marcos, Texas. Jake sets his lovely wife safely up in the tree stand and tells her, "If you see a deer, take careful aim on it and I'll come running back as soon as I hear the shot."Jake walks away with a smile on his face knowing that Alice couldn't bag an elephant - much less a deer.
Not 10 minutes pass when he is startled as he hears an array of gunshots. Quickly, Jake starts running back. As Jake gets closer to her stand, he hears Alice screaming, "Get away from my deer!" Confused and frightened, Jake races faster towards his screaming wife. And again he hears her yell, "Get away from my deer!" followed by another volley of gunfire!
Now within sight of where he had left his wife, Jake is surprised to see a Texas game warden with his hands high in the air. The game warden, obviously distraught, yelled, "Okay, lady! You can have your damn deer! Just let me get my saddle off it!!!!"-----
Stress Reliever
Girl: 'When we get married, I want to share all your worries, troubles and lighten your burden.'
Boy: 'It's very kind of you, darling, but I don't have any worries or troubles.'
Girl: 'We'll that's because we aren't married yet.'
Wife : 'Do you want dinner?'
Husband: 'Sure! What are my choices?'
Wife: 'Yes or no.'
Catholic Dog
Muldoon lived alone in the Irish countryside with only a pet dog for company. One day the dog died, and Muldoon went to the parish priest and asked, 'Father, my dog is dead... could ya' be saying' a mass for the poor creature?'
Father Patrick replied, 'I'm afraid not, we cannot have services for an animal in the church, but there are some Baptists down the lane, and there's no tellin' what they believe. Maybe they'll do something for the creature.'
Muldoon said, 'I'll go right away Father. Do ya' think $5,000 is enough to donate to them for the service?'
Father Patrick exclaimed, 'Sweet Mary, Mother of Jesus! Why didn't ya tell me the dog was Catholic?
Dear Abby,
A couple of women moved in across the hall from me. One is a middle-aged gym teacher and the other is a social worker in her mid twenties. These two women go everywhere together, and I've never seen a man go into or leave their apartment. Do you think they could be Lebanese?
Dear Abby,
I have a man I can't trust. He cheats so much, I'm not even sure the baby I'm carrying is his.
More Blond Jokes:
A friend tells the blond, "Christmas is on a Friday this year."
The blond says, "Let's hope it's not the 13th."
Two blonds find three grenades, and they decide to take them to a police station.
One asks, "What if one explodes before we get there?"
The other says, "We'll lie and say we only found two."
A woman phones her blond neighbor and says, "Close your curtains the next time you and your husband are having sex. The whole street was watching
and laughing at you yesterday."
To which the blond replies, "Well the joke's on all of you because I wasn't even at home yesterday."
A blond is in the bathroom and her husband shouts, "Did you find the shampoo?"
She answers, "Yes, but I'm not sure what to do... it's for dry hair, and I've just wet mine."
An Italian tourist asks a blond, "Why do American scuba divers always fall backwards off their boats?"
To which the blonde replies, "If they fell forward, they'd still be in the boat."
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